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Computer Beer

DOS Beer:

Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it is no longer available.

Mac Beer:

At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trash can.

Windows 3.1 Beer:

The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking a Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

Windows '95 Beer:

The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but taste more like windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows '95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:

Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truck-load. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beers, but the company promises to change the can to look just like the Window's '95 Beer. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

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This page was last changed December 2, 1997


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